The Career You Were Expected to Build May Not Be the Life You Actually Want
What if the path I'm building isn't actually the path I want?
When the “Right” Path Doesn't Feel Right
Dineshkumar Subramani originally came to Australia to study information systems and supply chain.
It made sense.
He had studied commerce and IT, had strong academic interests in economics, and had come from India to pursue further education.
Cooking, however, had always been something different.
It was a passion.
When he was younger, Dinesh had wanted to study cooking, but his father's concerns about the career made him choose a more traditional educational path instead.
So he followed it.
Until an opportunity to cook changed the direction of his life.
He realised something important:
The path he was following wasn't giving him the same feeling as the work he genuinely loved.
He made the decision to stop his information systems studies after completing his graduate diploma and move into commercial cookery.
It wasn't simply a career change.
It was an identity decision.
He was choosing to become the person he actually wanted to be rather than continuing to become the person he thought he was supposed to be.
And that distinction matters.
Because sometimes the biggest barrier to reinvention isn't lack of opportunity.
It's the belief that we've already chosen who we're supposed to become.
Awareness: Recognising When Your Life No Longer Fits
Within the Identity Architect Method™, transformation begins with Awareness.
Awareness isn't necessarily a dramatic revelation.
Sometimes it's simply noticing:
Dinesh experienced that recognition in different ways throughout his career.
He initially pursued a path in information systems.
Then he discovered cooking.
Later, he worked in restaurants and experienced the technical satisfaction of the profession, but still felt something was missing.
He described leaving restaurant work because, despite doing a good job, he wasn't experiencing the level of job satisfaction he was looking for.
The problem wasn't that he wasn't successful.
The problem was that the success didn't feel meaningful enough.
That distinction is easy to miss.
We can spend years asking:
“Am I doing well?”
when the more important question may be:
“Does the way I'm succeeding still matter to me?”
Dinesh eventually found the answer in aged care.
Not because it was considered the most prestigious culinary path.
Quite the opposite.
Aged care carried an outdated perception that Dinesh actively wanted to challenge.
But inside that environment, he discovered something he hadn't found elsewhere:
impact.
When residents appreciated his food, when someone who might otherwise refuse a meal actually ate because he had prepared something meaningful to them, he could see the difference his work was making.
That changed the definition of success.
Release: Letting Go of Someone Else's Definition of Success
The Release phase of the Identity Architect Method™ asks us to examine the identities, expectations and beliefs that may have served us once, but no longer belong in the future we're building.
For Dinesh, part of that meant releasing the idea that there was only one respectable career path.
It also meant challenging the perception that aged care was somehow beneath other areas of hospitality.
Instead, he began asking a different question:
That question changed everything.
Rather than accepting the limitations of the environment, Dinesh started bringing fine-dining principles into aged care.
He introduced cultural menus.
Fine dining experiences.
Chef's tables.
Menu tastings.
Resident feedback.
Site-specific menus.
And a stronger focus on dignity.
His philosophy became simple:
Every plate should have dignity.
That belief is bigger than food.
It's an identity statement.
It reflects the kind of leader Dinesh has chosen to become.
Not simply someone who produces meals.
Someone who advocates for the people receiving them.
Rebuild: When Purpose Changes What Success Looks Like
Once we release an identity that no longer fits, we need something new to build.
That's where Rebuild begins.
For Dinesh, success gradually moved away from simply being a chef.
It became about creating meaningful experiences.
Developing other chefs.
Improving aged care.
Teaching.
Advocating for the industry.
Using technology to create better systems.
And giving residents a genuine voice in the food they receive.
One of the most powerful examples is his approach to menu development.
Rather than assuming the chef knows what residents want, Dinesh invites residents into taste panels and allows them to help shape the menu.
His philosophy is:
“It's your menu.”
That small shift changes the relationship completely.
The resident isn't simply the recipient of the chef's work.
They're part of the decision.
And that is what identity-led leadership can look like.
You stop needing to be the person with all the answers.
You become the person who creates the conditions for other people to have a voice.
Your Identity Can Evolve Without Losing What Matters
Dinesh's career has continued to evolve.
Chef.
Manager.
Teacher.
Trainer.
Industry advisor.
Leader.
Innovator.
AI creator.
At first glance, these may look like separate roles.
But underneath them is a consistent identity:
Someone who loves food, learning, people and making a difference.
That's an important distinction.
Reinvention doesn't always mean becoming someone completely different.
Sometimes, it's about finding new ways to express the same deeper values.
The tools change.
The roles change.
The environment changes.
But the underlying purpose becomes clearer.
That's what healthy identity evolution can look like.
You don't erase your past.
You architect what comes next from what you've learned.
Integration: Learning to Face the Challenge Instead of Running From It
Another important part of Dinesh's story is confidence.
English wasn't his first language.
Early in his leadership career, speaking in front of groups made him uncomfortable.
Instead of allowing that discomfort to define him, one of his mentors gave him a simple piece of advice:
Practice.
Speak in front of the mirror.
Keep going.
Don't run from the challenge.
Dinesh eventually learned to do exactly that.
Today, public speaking and leadership communication have become part of his work.
This is where Integration becomes important.
Knowing that you need to grow is one thing.
Practising the behaviour of the person you're becoming is another.
You don't become confident and then face the challenge.
Sometimes, you face the challenge repeatedly, and confidence develops because of it.
Dinesh's experience reminds us that discomfort isn't always a signal to stop.
Sometimes it's simply evidence that we're learning a new way of being.
The Identity Architect Reflection
Dinesh's story invites a different kind of career reflection.
Not:
“What job should I have?”
But:
“What kind of person am I building through the work I choose?”
Take a moment to consider:
What career path did I originally choose because it was expected of me?
What part of that path genuinely belongs to me, and what part was inherited from someone else's definition of success?
Where in my life am I staying because something looks successful from the outside?
What work gives me a sense of contribution rather than simply achievement?
What identity have I outgrown but haven't yet released?
Where am I avoiding discomfort that could actually help me grow?
What values have remained consistent even as my career has changed?
And perhaps the most important question:
If I stopped trying to build the career I think I should have, what would I start
building instead?
You don't have to answer all of these today.
But awareness begins with asking better questions.
Final Thoughts
Alan's story isn't really about becoming a celebrity chef.
It's about becoming more.
More curious.
More adaptable.
More communicative.
More reflective.
More generous with knowledge.
More comfortable with discomfort.
And, ultimately, more human.
He started as a shy young chef who was uncomfortable speaking to customers.
He became an international chef, television presenter, author, educator, consultant, mentor and advocate.
But the most powerful part is that he didn't become those things by abandoning who he was.
He kept building on it.
Every experience gave him something.
Every challenge opened another door.
Every uncomfortable moment expanded his capability.
And eventually, the definition of success changed.
The medals became memories.
The titles became doors.
The experiences became wisdom.
And the knowledge became something he could give away.
That may be one of the clearest signs that an identity has matured:
You stop asking, “How can I prove what I'm capable of?”
And start asking:
“How can I use what I've learned to help someone else become capable too?”
Alan's advice for anyone entering hospitality is simple: there is life beyond the restaurant and hotel.
But perhaps the broader lesson is even bigger.
There is life beyond the identity you've built so far.
You are allowed to evolve.
You are allowed to become a beginner again.
You are allowed to discover that the thing you thought was your destination was actually just the door.
And you are allowed to say:
“I'm changing. I'm getting better.”
Because becoming more of yourself doesn't mean becoming someone else.
It means finally giving yourself permission to become more.
Final Thoughts
What I appreciated most about my conversation with Dinesh wasn't simply how much he has achieved.
It was his willingness to keep evolving.
He didn't stay with information systems because it was the path he'd originally chosen.
He didn't stay in restaurant kitchens simply because that was what being a chef was supposed to look like.
He didn't accept the outdated perception of aged care.
He didn't allow discomfort around communication to stop him from becoming a leader.
And he didn't keep success to himself.
He turned it into an opportunity to create more leaders.
That's a very different definition of achievement.
Because perhaps the goal isn't to build the most impressive version of the identity you've inherited.
Perhaps the goal is to discover which parts of that identity are actually yours.
Then build from there.
Dinesh's story reminds us that a career can change without losing its purpose, and success can evolve without losing yourself.
Sometimes the path you're meant to take isn't the one you originally planned.
Sometimes it's the one you discover when you finally become honest about what gives your life meaning.
And sometimes the most important career decision you'll ever make is simply giving yourself permission to choose again.
Continue the Conversation
If Dinesh's story has made you question whether the career you're building still reflects who you're becoming, don't immediately rush toward another goal.
Pause.
Ask yourself:
Is this the life I chose, or the life I learned I was supposed to want?
Because your identity isn't a fixed career title.
It's something that continues to evolve as you learn, grow, release and rebuild.
If you're ready to go deeper into understanding your identity and what may be shaping the way you show up in your life and work, explore Identity Foundations™ as your next step.
If you'd like to explore more conversations about identity, leadership, and personal transformation, listen to more episodes of What I Wish I Knew at 30.
And if you're ready to move beyond insight and intentionally design the next chapter of your life, explore the "The Identity Architect Method™ ", where lasting transformation begins with identity, not achievement.
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